I’m really happy to be back in new jersey because orientation was not fun. Parts of it were very good but I felt like a lot of it was bringing down our spirits in the sense that a lot of the seminars were trying to put negative and uncertain ideas in our heads. I arrived feeling confident and ready and left uncomfortable. I mean, I know I’ll be able to figure things out for myself and will manage the best I can but holy crap it was like they were trying to subtlety put us all in denial of our decisions and achievement while at the same time telling us good job. I don’t know. I feel like I didn’t get the information I needed. Also we were told constantly to go talk to people and make friends but we weren’t even allowed to sit in the seminars with other groups! Out of 200+ people who went we had to stay with the same 10-15 which got old very fast. And there were clicks being formed in groups where others would be left out. Really? I thought we were old enough to be above that. I don’t know. I do know though that this school is still good for me and I’ll be able to manage and I will find my friends and my niche here but to start I’m making it about me. Not in a selfish way, but in a way where school IS more important than going out to a club or a party. And if I’m going to be judged for that then the person or people doing it need to realize that not everyone here moved to Boston to party and stay out all night and that some of us are actually serious about getting our degrees. Sorry, but this literally bothered me the whole way home and then some. Not to mention I was one of the very few pt track majors there. That made me feel a tiny bit left out.
Try using it instead of flirting all over my dashboard. Tired of fucking looking at it. You don’t see me doing that shit on here. That goes for regular conversations too. I do not care enough to see it every single day, all the time.
Honestly. I guess I may not have room to say since I’m some skinny little girl, but I wasn’t always super skinny and I wasn’t always dressy or had my hair looking decent or anything. I show up to school every day in sweats because I can’t wear tight pants such as jeans from my hip and back. All I have to say is, we don’t look like this forever. Why care so much if we’re just going to constantly change throughout the years? Never base your opinion of someone or your love for someone mostly on looks. You may be disappointed in the end. Look nice when you can, love yourself forever.
The ratio of females on my dash reblogging how they are unhappy with their looks/life as opposed to happy with their looks/life is getting ridiculous. The negatives are greatly outweighing the positives. And lately it’s been even worse. I just don’t understand though. Why care? Just love yourself. You’re single? So fucking what. Seriously. You’ll find someone. When you freak out on the internet to people, it doesn’t make it better for you, in fact, it makes you look worse. When you complain via any social network, hoping to get attention from say, boys, it won’t work. They’ll see you as insecure, whiny, bitchy, miserable, bratty, all these unattractive things. Guys don’t like that. They see you as annoying before dating, which is intimidating in case they ever wanted to date you because then if things didn’t work out or if they accidentally upset you, then you would take it out on them just like you take out your problems to everyone online. And you’d do that too! You’d publicly make them look like the assholes they aren’t. Not all boys are bad or jerks. You have to give them a chance. Don’t bitch to the new guy how the old guy sucked and how mean he was to you and complain about how he wasn’t good enough for you. Don’t do that. You’ll make him nervous or even chase him away. He doesn’t want your brand new relationship to be built because of your past ones. Sure, knowing someone’s past is good, but don’t dwell on it. I’ve been used, treated like a piece of meat, even lower than that. I got over it. I have an amazing guy now. And you know what? I’m perfectly happy with him and with me. And that brings me to another thing. Don’t be shallow. You know if you’re superficial. Don’t go choosing over hair or looks. We won’t look like this forever, we will age and start to look less appealing to the teenage eye. Fall in love with someone who will be who you want forever. Not because he “has a cute butt” or “drives a hot car” or any of that. Things change over time. Be with someone who really lets you be you. Not because he’s popular or dresses fly. Sure, looks add. It’s part of natural selection. You body will biologically go for who it feels is the most ‘“fit” of all the candidates. But! We live in a changed world now. We buy find jobs, buy houses, get married, pay bills, have children that stay with us until they go to college, if they choose. You should stay with your partner through all of this, so you better make sure you like them. Girls always want a cliche relationship. It’s not like that in real life. Rarely, yes, very rarely. So find someone real, not someone from a fairy tale. And moving on to looks. I hate so much when girls complain about their looks via social networks and the internet. Boys love a confident girl. Someone who can love themselves instead of relying on his attention and compliments to get by. That isn’t healthy. Love yourself no matter how you look. And if you don’t like it, do something about it. Change your style up a little, go to the gym, tan a little even, or don’t, however you prefer to look. Aim to look however makes you look and feel your greatest rather than how you think others want you to look, I promise you, they don’t care. You don’t have to go out and do outrageous things like drink and smoke and do drugs to get noticed. If you do that and you love it but don’t abuse it, good for you, recreational users are so chill and I have friends who do all sorts of things, I don’t because of my health, but I don’t judge, and you shouldn’t either. Smoking and drinking doesn’t make someone a scumbag, their other actions do. And sex. Don’t worry about sex. If you don’t want to have it, then don’t. If a guy tries to force you to have sex with him by saying he’ll leave you if you don’t, then let him leave, he was going to leave you anyway. Sex to me isn’t as huge of a deal as it’s made out to be, unless you are doing it completely unprotected. That’s a stupid fucking idea. Always make sure you’re protected. And you shouldn’t just sleep around. Don’t use sex to try and make someone love you, it rarely works out. Let the sex come later. Love your man and let him love you and then you know it’s a good time to do it. But time has to pass first. Don’t let lust get in the way. Lust is healthy in a relationship, but only a little, there must be much more love and trusting. In this day and age, it’s harder to find someone to wait until marriage for sex. Don’t worry, others are out there. You just have to find them. Get involved, meet new people, be outgoing, start a conversation. It’s worth it. If you embarrass yourself, don’t show it. So what? You’ll never see the surrounding strangers ever again, and if you do, they likely won’t remember you. If you love who you are, people see that, and they will look up to you and admire you for your confidence and courage to be yourself. Me? I’m completely myself. I’m a 17-year-old girl who STILL plays Pokemon, I play Minecraft, Xbox, I wear sweatpants almost every day to school, I drive a minivan around town, I carry my DS in my purse, I love science, boating and fishing, exploring, I’ll be paintballing with my boyfriend and his friends this summer, I’m in the marching band, all of these things. And I still find myself beautiful. I’m also thin with long brown hair with stripes I dyed in myself. I don’t burn in the summer, and I can eat as much as I want. But I have plenty of flaws. We all do, we just choose whether we see them or not. I have a terrible back, I have very bad stomach problems, chronic pain in my left hip, I’m unable to get a job, I can’t drink because of my medicine, I was forced to give up sports, I can wear jeans because they constrict me into pain, I lost my breasts from all the weight I lost from the medicine and stomach problems. This will never go away, I have this forever, but I’m not upset. I love myself and my life, and you should too.