Ivalice Alliance

It’s interesting how venting to relieve stress equates to losing followers. I don’t even do it that often and I usually only do it for things that are really stressful, such as signing for an apartment before it gets rented (again) and my parrot passing away without me knowing for two weeks. I like to think otherwise I keep a lot to myself. I don’t know, I just find it interesting how fast people leave as soon as things get a little tough for someone else.

The apartment we looked at today was rented after we saw it. Luckily the one we originally looked at is available again. The goal is to pay tomorrow. I have three exams this week and two small papers to write so I need to get it done soon so I can focus. Also, although my major will remain the same (bachelors of health sciences), I will be changing the end goal from physical therapy to veterinarian while specializing in avian/exotic species.

Tomorrow we go back to the townhouse to show two other people that will be potentially living with us instead since we had to quit with the other couple whose parent was holding us up deliberately so we would lose renting abilities to someone else. After that if they like it and their parents agree, I want to be able to pay by Monday. I’m freaking out over this because my checks did not arrive in the mail yet because my dad refused to overnight them because he thought it wasn’t necessary. So I have to now go to the only chase ATM in all of Massachusetts tomorrow, located in the airport. My mom also sent in the co-sign form with missing information instead of just asking me for it. Yanno, the apartment’s address and realtor’s name. So now that has to be done again. I’ve lost a lot of sleep and study time over this and I will continue to until it is all worked out.

We found the most beautiful townhouse today and we decided to take it. We have the paperwork, figured out how much money we’ll need, and managed to schedule to pay our first month rent tomorrow to take it off the market and claim it our own. As I walk to the atm to take out money for tomorrow, since I stupidly left my checks at home, I get notified that 2/6 of us will be backing out because they are a couple and one of their parents are refusing to co-sign because of the price. It would have been $517 a person with six people and a reasonable price because every person over four people is an extra $200 a month, bringing us to a total of $3,100 a month. I’m real upset right now because I’ve been coordinating this the whole time and I’m now super stressed.

My parents having been yelling me a lot the past three days about paying my tuition bill, which is due after I come home and they refuse to wait until then. They forced me to give them my student ID and login so now it has to be changed tomorrow so they can’t get into my stuff. I told them to stop fighting with me because finals have been extremely stressful when it comes to studying and I’ve had very minimal amounts of sleep. Both of them defended themselves by saying they didn’t know I had finals, even though they are fully aware I’m coming home at the end of this week for the end of the semester. My mom told me she thought I didn’t have finals until December, and that was said a few hours ago. Good thing I’m not staying at my house for the full month, fuck that.

I need more of Westley than what I had today. If only my xbl didn’t run out already. I want to figure out my prom dress situation so that I can stop thinking about it. The papers aren’t even out and it makes me crazy. I have never bugged so badly about what to wear. I want to be as beautiful and elegant as I can without being outrageous or too generic. I wish there were more hours in the day and that the down time I had moved slower. I feel like I have to make every moment of freedom precious which makes me stress a little more than actually relaxing. I am happy, but not relaxed. I feel like soon enough Wes will be going back to school and I would have hardly saw him. I’m just so anxious.

I probably shouldn’t have agreed to taking a shift on Tuesday for work because that means I won’t be in physical therapy until Thursday next week when I wasn’t even there today. I don’t even know when to make an appointment for without conflicting my schedule. I need my back worked on very badly. I’m skeptical of having someone else work on it who hasn’t been. I may have no choice. I think I will wait though. I’ll try to teach Westley how to help it. That will give me treatment for Saturday. All the things are wrong with my health. It all hurts so bad right now. I just have to stay alive until next week and then past St. Patrick’s day for the parade and then I can drool all over myself and slowly die in a puddle of my own Hell. I just needed to share to occupy my brain until the pain started to fade. It won’t go away for about another 20 minutes so I’ll be awake if anyone is interested in my life right now.

I don’t know what it is about me but the past few days I’ve been incredibly tense. Not even emotionally, but physically tense. I can’t even help it. My muscles all over have been tightening up and I don’t realize until I either think about it or it starts to hurt. So I force myself to relax my muscles and then forget about it until it tenses up again. I see the doctor next week and I’m going to ask for some muscle relaxers because this is ridiculous. I have been able to sleep or anything.

A majority of my personal posts have been about this lately but I have no other real outlet as of now. The pain is winning over me and has been since last Wednesday when I had injections done to both my back and my hip. I’ve taken far less medicine since then because I don’t require it as long as I’m active. And now I find myself in hysterics because I physically cannot lay down to sleep. At all. So I’m going to try and sleep sitting up in the middle of the floor or stay up altogether. I have another four weeks before this wears off and I, hopefully, return to my version of normal. I’m hitting my breaking point after just barely a week though. I’m starting to question whether I can handle living away at a college, it’s not something I want to think but it’s possible I’ll have to stay here where I can be taken care of and not disrupt anyone else. I have to face it, because I’ve known it, I’m not like most people. I need someone like me to talk to. I need to find someone like me, someone who has been dealing with the bullshit for longer than I have and is older than me. I can’t do this alone anymore, not if this is how it’s going to be. The medicine doesn’t work like this. It’s useless as of now. I need help, I’m my own worst enemy.

Try using it instead of flirting all over my dashboard. Tired of fucking looking at it. You don’t see me doing that shit on here. That goes for regular conversations too. I do not care enough to see it every single day, all the time.